I'M SO FUCKING PISSED RIGHT NOW.
I like.... can't even put into words how much I wanna kill someone right now. I feel like Godzilla destroying Japan in a fit of rage.
I'm just so overwhelmed right now. I'm back in Chicago for this project with a professor. When this is over it will be a crown jewel in my portfolio. He's a well known artist, and now he'll owe me for helping him with this. I NEED THIS TO WORK. He had me sew my own costume. I'm not bad at making anime costumes, but when it comes to designing it myself I'm not that great. Show me something in existences and I can make it, ask me to make something up and it's gonna look like a 4th grader did it.
I've been sewing for 2 WEEKS and it still looks like crap. I've sewn it together, taken it apart, cut it up, sewn it together, took off half, cut off corners, sewn it together, started over, cut off the sleeves, put on the sleeves, failed! FAILED. AHHH FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK THIS DRESS. SO HARD. I'm sitting here on the floor, two days before it needs to be done and it's just a pile of fabric. I'm looking around going 'What the hell do I do now? I'm walking into a situation where I'll have to have a costume on par with professional work.' I'm so royally fucked. My stress level is through the roof.
A teacher of mine rented a camera for me over summer. (Students can't have them for that long of time.) It's for my documentary, which I hope to have almost done by the end of summer. (Let me rephrase that, I'm expected to have it done in time for some film festivals coming up in the fall. Some of my professors want to see it when I come back.) Okay, cool. I can get that done. When I'm back here in Chicago I can just bring the camera back and upload all the footage in the labs. I purposely took about 20mins of footage from ACEN so that it wouldn't take a lot of time to upload. Stressful, but manageable.
Well fuck me if I didn't forget a battery at home. It'll put a hold on my teachers account and a large fine for not returning it on time. (These fines are RIDICULOUS.) My mom found it and is fedex'ing it to me for Tuesday morning. I'll pay the fine cause it's due back Monday at 4pm. Okay. Deep breath. You can do this Shelby.
I spent the past weekend in Jackson Minnesota for a family reunion on my mother's side of the family. These things are SO AWKWARD considering I don't know anyone. My Grandpa was one of five siblings and he sorta got disowned because he left the family farm. So we're all on in bumfuck nowhere on a farm. A few weeks before my mom asked if I would bring my camera and help her take some pictures. Okay... not bad, I don't know anyone but whatever, I do have a nice camera.
Then she's like:
'How about your little video camera, that'll be fun!' I look at her like 'Are you kidding me Mom?' FINE. Okay I'll bring that. A few shots of people eating and I'll be done.
'ACTUALLY, you have that really big camera right? Bring that and get some really good footage!'
'No thanks mom, do I have to?'
'YOU DISHONOR THE FAMILY AND MYSELF BY YOUR LAZINESS.' (Aka you hurt my feelings by saying no.)
So fine, I'll bring my big camera and take a few minutes.
Mom sends out an email to everyone going to this (LIKE 40 PEOPLE) that her daughter is a professional and will be catering the whole thing, and make a video about the whole reunion.
Then someone says lets get all the siblings together for an HOUR LONG interview on top of the basic footage.
So now it's a fucking movie that I will film, edit, and produce. I will then make everyone a copy of our family history.
All I got was 'Well this is what you want to do with your life anyways, right? It's not a problem.' -Mom
Lets set this straight. ON AVERAGE:
1hour of filming takes 2 hours to upload.
That one hour then takes 30 mins to transfer to my hard drive.
1 hour of footage can takes about 4 hours to edit into something descent.
Once I've made the movie it's another 2 hours with the title screen.
Then burning all the copies.
1 HOUR of film = 8 hours of work MINIMUM. FUCK YOU MOM. I now have two hours to work with (the reunion and ACEN) and only three days to do it.
Everyone's made it clear I hold the honor of our side of the family in my hands.
So stressful.... I went straight from Jackson to my flight in Chicago, then took a taxi to the house and started sewing a half hour after walking in the door.
I worked almost all night. Nothing's working and I'm frustrated. I'm still not getting it. I called it a night at 3am cause I was so upset. I'll spend the next few nights in the computer studio's working, but tonight I just needed some sleep. 7am. My mom calls. I answered to her just yelling at me about something I'm not even understanding. I'm so sleepy, and she yells and says stop talking like that.
'Mom I'm just tired. Sorry.'
'Yeah well me to, get used to it.'
'Okay well what are you looking-'
'I CAN'T HEAR YOU. SPEAK UP.'
'WHAT ARE YOU-'
'DON'T TALK LIKE THAT TO ME.'
I'm gonna send another big FUCK YOU to my mom again. I'm so stressed I'm throwing up. I have only a few more hours to get this stuff done. I'm thinking about skipping my flight home. I'll stay out here for awhile longer. As soon as this hell is over, I fly home Monday. Tuesday at 8am I'm expected to start my construction job again. No break. 'I should be grateful for this trip cause it's like a vacation.'
I'm full of bitter and hate right now.
I love my friends, but really this is way to much for me right now.
(This made me feel a little better to write this. Thanks <3)
So yeah took it to my professor and he says don't change a thing. He likes the little fucked up parts. In fact he liked it so much he invited me out for drinks with the crew to discuss costumes. Nothing like nonalcoholic beverages with your teachers and their spouses!
Thanks Karma, you don't hate me afterwords. <3